


stuttering, tripping, tumbling

by r4m3nlvr



Category: SB19 (Band)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Oneshot, Tiny bit of Angst, Unrequited Love, ken is a baby, unrequited love but with a question mark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:13:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24600619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/r4m3nlvr/pseuds/r4m3nlvr
Summary: Ken slips and accidentally drops a clue on how he feels for Josh on live broadcast.(inspired by the laz sing it and @/keunbeam’s joken edit; english with filipino conversations)
Relationships: Joken, Josh Cullen Santos/Ken Suson, Josh/Ken
Comments: 6
Kudos: 47





	stuttering, tripping, tumbling

**Author's Note:**

> joken crumbs were real at the laz live. i can’t contain myself; i suggest listening to summertime by cinnamons & evening cinema while reading
> 
> chapter contains: first person pov, my attempt at fluff

**stuttering, tripping, tumbling**

“Pogi talaga ‘yan si Josh, eh.”

And I knew that I just messed up fantastically. _Shit._

I know I sometimes have no filter, but of all the times I could possibly shoot myself in the head, it had to be now. At a live performance. Online. With a hundred thousand people watching.

Good job, Kenji. You are now officially the world’s biggest idiot.

It was not a secret that Josh Cullen Santos is an angel in the guise of a man. He is hardworking, talented, mature; not to mention that he’s goddamn charismatic. I would fight anyone who dares to disagree that it’s not hard to like Josh.

Except in my case, that is. Because Josh is my groupmate. He is a colleague. He is someone I look up to. And he is someone who has eyes on him all the time. Telling him about the feelings I’ve harbored for more than a year would bring unnecessary complications.

So I tried to hide it. Hide it so well that sometimes I think I overdo it.

But then there are moments like these. Moments when Josh just shows up with his disarming smile and swag, and I’m caught unguarded. Moments where the feelings I hide go out the back door and make themselves known.

_‘Pogi talaga ‘yan si Josh’_? Congrats, Felip. Why didn’t you just go ahead and confess on live broadcast?

Justin snorted, trying to contain his laughter. Sejun only chuckled. Stell smiled. Josh… didn’t seem like he heard anything.

“Good job, good job, guys!” Sejun said to us, smiling widely. We kept the video call open for final goodbyes and reminders. “I guess okay naman yung performance natin.”

“Mm-hmm, okay naman,” Stell said. He was still a little bit under the weather but he was recovering. “Miss ko na kayo…”

“Magkikita naman tayo sa Monday,” assured Sejun.

Stell smiled. “Excited na ako... Sige, guys, bye na muna, ha? Medyo pagod lang. Sorry.”

“Okay lang, Stell. Pagaling ka.” Sejun nodded. Stell waved goodbye then left the video conference. “So, ano? See you guys nalang sa Monday?”

“Sige, sige. See you sa Monday!” Justin said, waving to his camera. “Ingat kayo jan, Sejun! Kayo rin, Ken, Josh…”

Both Justin and Sejun turned off their cameras at the same time. For some reason, Josh kept his open. I waited for him to leave the call first, but he kept staring at the camera, smiling.

“Ano ulit yung sabi mo?” he said. His smirk told me he was secretly laughing at something.

My heart raced a little bit, but I’m sure my face won’t betray me. “Wala akong sinabi.”

“Sino ulit yung pogi?” Josh smiled widely at me with his toothy grin.

“Sige na, Josh. Off ko na ‘tong vid,” I hastily replied.

“Teka lang, Ke—”

I didn’t even wait for him to finish his sentence as I left the conference call and turned off the camera. Then, I sat back on the stairs and put my head in my hands. Ken Suson, _isa kang malaking bobo_.

I was still in the middle of feeling sorry for myself when something hit me at the back of my head. It hit me so hard that I saw stars for a moment before something fell on my shoulder and tumbled to the floor. It was a large black candlestick, about as thick as my wrist.

" _Aray_!" I shouted, then looked up at the culprit who was lounging at the top of the stairs.

“Hoy, gago! ‘Di mo man lang ako pinatapos! _Bastos_!”

_Right_. I forgot that he was already at the condo with me. He arrived yesterday, and it had been difficult as hell to be alone here with him. So I pretended he wasn't around.

Josh squinted his eyes at me as he went down the stairs, two steps at a time. He stopped a step above where I was nursing the noticeable lump on my head.

“Ang sakit no’n, Josh!” I complained. He only laughed at me then put his hand where I was nursing my would-be bruise.

“Patapusin mo kasi ako!” he said, massaging the part where the candle had hit me.

I couldn’t look at him. He was too close. I wished he wouldn’t be so nice. It made it so hard to hide.

“Oo na. Ano ba kasi sana yung sasabihin mo?”

“Grabe ka, ‘di mo naman sinabi sa’kin bati na pala tayo,” he teased.

“Bakit? Nag-away ba tayo?” I asked, daring to look at him. I immediately regretted the decision when I saw that his face was so close. I wanted to grab him and wipe that cocky smirk off his face with a kiss. Let’s see him laugh at that.

But no. That would be reckless.

“‘Di nag-away pero sobra naman yung pag-iwas mo sa’kin. Kala mo naman may gagawin ako sa’yong masama!” Josh laughed.

I smiled at him, but I hope he doesn’t see the way that his laughter is causing my heart to bleed a little. There was another reason why I don’t tell anybody how I feel about Josh: he has never shown any indication that he liked me more than just an SB19 member.

So I carefully batted his hand away from me and started gathering up the equipment, not even bothering to reply.

“May problema ba tayo, Ken?” he asked when I turned to face him. He had both arms crossed over his chest, looking sternly at me.

I swallowed, unable to contain his gaze. “Wala naman.”

“Eh, ba’t parang iniiwasan mo ‘ko? Parang ayaw na ayaw mo sa akin, ah?”

“Hindi naman sa ayaw ko sa iyo!” I probably said that louder than I initially intended. I hugged the equipment in my arms closer to my body.

Josh grinned slyly. I realized right away that I probably fell into his trap. “Hindi mo ako inaayawan… so _gusto mo ako_ …?”

Was I blushing? I hope I wasn’t blushing. Oh, God, please tell me I’m not blushing. But my heart was beating wildly in my chest and I could feel the back of my neck grow hotter.

I opened my mouth. I tried to say something coherent to him, but my tongue was tied.

Instead of ‘ _Feeling pogi, ang kapal_ ’, my words came out as, “ _Lsakj adk skjfasdl_.”

Josh laughed and I wanted to just stare at him and listen to his musical chuckling forever. But I was frozen on the spot, the warmth all over my body being replaced by dread. I wasn’t sure where the conversation was going, but I sure hope it wouldn’t be to my most certain humiliation.

“Okay lang, Ken,” he said, pinching my nose between his fingers. “Pogi naman kasi talaga ako, kaya ‘di kita masisisi.”

I pursed my lips at him. He smiled.

“Pero may isa pang pogi, eh…” Josh continued.

It was my turn to narrow my eyes at him. I was about to ask him what he meant when he suddenly closed the gap between our lips and planted a kiss on me. Low-voltage electricity jolted throughout my body.

Something clattered on the floor. Was that the equipment I was holding? I’m not sure. What was I doing again? _Right_. Josh was kissing me.

As soon as I realized what he was going on, Josh pulled back and laughed heartily.

“Ang cute mo, _kainis ka_ ,” he said. Then, he picked up his candle, studied it, then turned back without saying another word.

I still wasn’t sure what happened. But when I slowly went back to my senses, I started picking up the expensive-ass equipment I just dropped all over the floor. My heart pounded in my chest. My ears felt hot. So he knew…? I was acting all stupid avoiding him and _he knew_? I wanted to die in embarrassment.

But… Josh kissed me—unless that was a lucid dream I was having. Josh had pretty much confessed to me… _right_? What… exactly does that mean? I should probably... talk to him... I guess?

I soon found myself knocking on the door to Josh and Justin’s room without a plan.

“ _Josh_?”

The door opened slowly, and Josh stood there to greet me, smiling.

“‘Kala ko ‘di mo na-gets,” he said.

He gestured for me to go in and I felt like a man going to the gallows. But then Josh snickered at me, making me feel like maybe things will be okay?

I hoped it would. Maybe some things just fall into place if I become more reckless.

**Author's Note:**

> i have to work on my fluff so think of this as a fluff exercise, but joken


End file.
